I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
