He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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