I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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