well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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