your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize