my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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