the day after is always just damage control
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
