i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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