i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
