oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
