I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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