i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Boobs speak an international language.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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