Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
