I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
