smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
