Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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