OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I look better un-naked...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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