I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
