Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
