I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize