He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
