I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
