You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
