low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My ass is underappreciated
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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