at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
