Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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