I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
