She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
