There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize