So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
