yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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