i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm really busy with my period
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