Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
