yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
