She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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