Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
