i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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