she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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