We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
