no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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