Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize