You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
