Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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