You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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