i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
