This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I will be naked everywhere
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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