I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
