I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
