He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
