I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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