nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
