So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
