I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
