he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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