Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
