Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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