i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
