I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
