my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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