I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
