I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize