how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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