he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
