Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
